One of the frustrations of writing is going to revise and
realizing how many writing mistakes you’ve made. Repeated words, too many
adverbs, weak verbs, static description, the list goes on and on. Revision is a
humbling experience.
But hold on, all is not lost. Those mistakes tell us
something about what we were thinking when we were writing the story. As
Stephen King says, first drafts are supposed to suck. This is where we pour out
the story without stopping to worry about whether we’ve used ‘loquacious’ three
times in this chapter.
I view the mistakes we make in the first draft as markers,
holding a place for us, so we can go back in revision and write something
closer to what our brains had in mind. When we are in the flow is not the time
to worry about speech tags, adverbs and the rest, though as we gain experience,
we will learn to make a whole new raft of mistakes.
I want to look at the kind of mistakes we make in more
detail and suggest what it is they might be telling us about the story.
Dialogue
Dialogue is an essential element in story. It is possible to
write a story without dialogue, just as it is possible to write a story that is
nothing but. However for the average book, it is part of the three legged stool
formed by dialogue, action and narrative.
What often happens, especially with new authors is that the
dialogue is reported rather than shown. ‘Mary and Sue discussed where to eat
supper and decided the new Thai-Bulgarian Fusion place would be a good idea.’
This is missing out on the opportunity to use the dialogue to show character
and plot development. This isn’t to say that we always show dialogue, there are
times when the characters are rehashing what we’ve already heard, so glossing
over it is fine.
One of the first things to look at in our dialogue is how we
use speech tags. Most sources suggest we use ‘said’ or ‘asked’ and only rarely
use other tags. The theory is that ‘said’ and ‘asked’ disappear like
punctuation and don’t detract from the speech. This doesn’t stop some writers
from having characters bark, whine, moan, sigh or laugh words. I see ‘greet’ as
a tag, though it is a class of verbs which needs an object and is probably more
properly used as a beat. Or the author uses adverbs to tell us how things are
said, so people speak hurriedly, angrily, lazily and so on.
So what do these alternate speech tags tell us? They are our
attempt to express the manner in which the words are spoken, to evoke the
emotion of the dialogue. The goal of dialogue is to have the emotion in the
words being spoken, not in the tags. Tags are a way of telling, not showing. What
we need to do is examine the speech and work on putting that emotion into the
words, or alternatively to use a beat to show the emotion through action or facial
expression and body language. Beats are also a great alternative to endless
lines of ‘he said’.
There are a couple of reasons beats are a better choice than
speech tags whether alternative tags or ones modified by adverbs.
The first reason is they show where tags tell. With a beat
you can set the subtext by internal thought, or through emotion show by
physical reaction or action. They add depth that the dialogue alone can’t
achieve. This is why we use all those alternative and modifiers, our brain is
telling us we need to anchor this conversation in the character and plot of the
book.
The second reason is to prevent the dialogue from becoming
talking heads disconnected from the rest of the book. Beats allow us to show
the setting, move the plot forward, reveal character, all while the characters
discuss what to eat for supper.
There is something we need to watch when we use beats, and
that is what I call empty beats. This is most often a two word beat. He smiled.
He shrugged. He laughed. The problem is that they don’t really tell us anything
new about the character or the dialogue. A favourite is to show the character nodding
or shaking their head after their words indicate whether they agree or disagree.
Most often these beats need to be expanded to show more of what is going on in
the character’s mind.
Exposition
We have all heard about the info dump. The large wall of
text explaining some point the reader needs to know to get the story. The truth
is the info dump is very rarely the best way to let the reader in on this
information.
Very often, the information will show up in the appropriate
place without the need to explain. The best place to insert information into
the text is the last possible moment before it becomes relevant to the plot. If
it is never relevant, you don’t need it. This is not to say that the info dump
is a waste of words. It is a use tool for checking that the information needed
does in fact show up at the right time. Even if it is information not needed by
the reader, you as the author need to understand it in order to write the
story.
Aside from the info dump, there are a couple of other ways
we try to sneak the information into the story.
One is through dialogue. There is the ‘As you know Bob’
dialogue where two or more characters tell each other what they already know.
Nobody talks that way unless they are being sarcastic. This is not to say you
can’t hide the information in dialogue, but it needs to fill an authentic
purpose. This brings us to the ‘Dumb Mechanic’ dialogue where one of the people
does not know the information, and so it is new to them, and the reader. They
need to actually not know for it to work, and it must only be information that
they need in the moment.
Teaching and instruction is a form of the dumb mechanic, but
needs to be used sparingly. Having an instructor begin the training of a newbie
to sword play or other fighting technique is a good way to set up the basic
terminology you are going to use later in fight scenes.
Another trick to slip information into dialogue legitimately
is when a character needs to report on something to their boss or other person.
A report needs to be detailed, and we can tailor it to say exactly what we need.
Authors also use internal thought to push exposition onto
the reader. The character sits and thinks exhaustively about the history and customs
of their land, only no one really thinks that way. We don’t stop and remind
ourselves in orderly fashion of the information around us. What we do it think
of the fraction of the knowledge that we need in that moment.
That is the secret of exposition whether it is broader
knowledge of the story situation or backstory of the character. Drop it in
hints at the moment when it is necessary to the plot. Very rarely is a
substantial amount of information needed at a single moment.
When we spot info dumps or exposition in any of these forms,
our task is to decide if it is necessary, then check to see that it shows up
when it is needed. Odds are it appears naturally in dialogue or action without
needing a lot of extra work from us.
One last thing to watch for is the temptation to explain a
character’s motivation for an action or speech. Probably it is clear from the
context, and it if isn’t, we can put something in to make it clear.
The main thing to keep in mind when it comes to information
and inserting it into the story is we need to trust ourselves as authors. The
necessary stuff is there. But we also need to trust the reader to get it
without us laying it all out for them. Part of the fun of reading is connecting
the dots.
Word Issues
Word issues include things like filler words – that, just,
only, so, perhaps. They don’t add anything to the meaning of the sentence, but
they slow down the story. Often we use the words out of habit, but they may
also be a pointer to the need for more emphasis in that sentence. When we see
the filler words, before we delete them and move on, we should ask ourselves
what there is about that sentence which made us think we needed the extra word?
I use search and replace to replace the word with itself
with track changes turned on. That will show us all 1497 times ‘that’ shows up
in our novel, giving us the opportunity to reassess 1497 sentences to make them
stronger. Use the same technique for other filler words, and we have checked a
large portion of our writing.
Every author has a personal list of over-used words and
phrases. Software like prowritingaid will highlight the most used words, but
also two and three word phrases. These phrases may be habitual, but they are
also a chance to reframe parts of our writing to make it stronger.
‘Seemed’ deserves a special mention in the list of over-used
words. Most often it is used to hedge a character’s observation. We put it in
because the character can’t actually know their friend is angry. The truth is
we weaken our story by using it. Trust your character to know how to read the
people around them. If they don’t know how to read the people or situation
around them, you will want something much stronger than ‘seemed’ to show that.
The one place where ‘seemed’ is needed is when something is
counter to reality. The floor seemed safe, but it collapsed under Bob’s weight.
Words which are similar to filler words and can be checked
the same way are filter verbs. Filter verbs are verbs like ‘thought/felt/saw/heard’
and so on. They force the experience of the story through the character. Bob
saw the car roaring toward him. We are seeing Bob see the car. What you want is
‘The car roared toward Bob.’ It is direct and immediate. In first person, or
third person limited, the POV defines who is experiencing the world of the
story. We don’t need to remind the reader it is being mediated through the
character.
The exception, because there is always exceptions, is when
the seeing/hearing etc is the result of a positive action by the character. ‘Bob
listened carefully for sounds of movement, only hearing the scuttling of rats
in the walls.’ He hears in response to his listening.
Weak nouns and verbs are another challenge. ‘Look’ and ‘walk’
often get adverbs attached to them to make them more effective. Walk briskly,
looked angrily – that kind of thing. Once again search and replace is a way of
checking, though it won’t pick up all of them. The goal here is to use a
stronger verb, after all one can stroll, saunter, amble, stride, jog, or glare,
stare, examine, scan etc. The weak verb is the easiest one to think of in the
moment of composing the story, but they should be thought of as holding the place
of a stronger verb.
One caveat is that we must be aware of the nuances evoked by
similar words. A glance is different than a stare. A smirk is different than a
smile. If you aren’t sure, check the dictionary meaning before you use it.
Nouns function in much the same way, though often it is
about being specific. Hawk is more evocative than bird for example. If you are
piling on adjectives, you may want to consider switching the noun for a more specific
one.
When it comes to weak verbs, ‘was’ in all its iterations is
king. The verb to be is a transitive verb, that is, it identifies one thing as
another thing. ‘The leaf is green.’ It becomes a problem when was is used in
place of an active verb. Anytime we can replace was with an active verb, we should
do that.
‘Was’ also shows up in continual tense, that is ‘He was
sitting.’ Continual tense is for when an action is interrupted, or when an
action is carried on in the background. If neither of these conditions are met,
we probably want the simple form of the verb.
‘Was’ is also part of the passive voice. ‘He was attacked.’
The simplest way of checking if we are writing the passive voice. The simplest
test for passive voice is the zombie test. If we can add ‘by zombies’ at the
end of the sentence and it makes sense, we are writing in passive voice.
Passive voice is not automatically evil and deserving of eradication,
but it is used in limited situations. The first is when the doer of the action
is unknown. ‘Bob was thrown down the stairs.’ If we don’t know who threw Bob down
the stairs, and it isn’t important to know, passive voice is useful. The other
case is when the action is more important that who accomplishes the action. If
it doesn’t matter who threw Bob down the stairs, passive voice works.
What passive voice does is remove agency from the subject of
the action. Bob has no choice about being thrown down the stairs.
The last place we tend to overuse ‘was’ is description. How often
do we have our characters enter a room only to have a paragraph of sentences
like ‘The room was large. Tables were covered with knick-knacks and dust. The
feeble glow of the fire was hardly enough light to see the body splayed on the carpet.’
This is the character standing in the door and looking around at the room. That
may be exactly what the character is doing, but such descriptions have the effect
of stopping the action while the reader takes in the new setting. Usually we
are better to have the character interact with the room to show what is
important in the scene.
‘So many tables crowded the room they left little space for
Bob to wind his way to the far end. Each bump sent knick-knacks clinking and
clouds of dust into the air to tickle his nose. Stifling a sneeze, Bob knelt on
the carpet where the dim light of a dying fire revealed a corpse staring reproachfully
up at him.’
Whenever we can make description an active part of the
story, we not only put the reader into the setting, we make the setting a part
of the plot and it becomes like another character in that moment.
On last word issue – the over prevalence of pronouns.
‘He nailed the door shut. He ran down the hall. He skidded
around the corner into the kitchen. He pushed the fridge in front of the
kitchen window.’
It is easy in the heat of writing our draft to use a lot of
pronouns. It is a quick way of getting the bones of the action into the story. However,
we need to go back and take a hard look at any sentence starting with a
pronoun. Action scenes are made up of more than a sequence of actions done by
the character. A lot of pronouns suggests we’ve pulled away from the POV and
are narrating the story. Our goal should be to pull in tighter and write the
action, not the character acting.
‘He nailed the door shut before sprinting down the hall. His
feet lost their grip on the floor sending him crashing into the mirror. Glass
dug into his skin in the scramble to get into the kitchen and move the fridge
to cover the kitchen window.’
Emotion
Emotion is essential to a good story. The ability to evoke
strong emotions in the reader can make the difference between the reader
turning the page or not. Plot may start the reader, but emotion is what holds
them.
The biggest mistake with emotion is to name them. ‘Bob is
angry.’ Stating a character’s emotional state will not help the reader experience
that emotion. The task then is to read through the story to find the places
where we’ve named an emotion and look at how we can show it better. There are
lot of resources on writing emotions, but the simple method of writing emotion
is to write the effect of the emotion on the character. What happens to their
body? How does their posture/expression change?
There is also a danger of using the same action to represent
an emotion throughout the story. The reality is we react differently to
emotions depending on the context, so anger won’t always cause clenched fists.
Sadness won’t always result in tears. Work the context, and be prepared to make
the emotional reaction of character ambivalent and complex.
Summary
As the song says, we are supposed to make mistakes. In writing
those mistakes become place holders marking the spots our brain thinks need
more work. Rather than getting depressed at the sheer volume of mistakes we
need to correct, we should view this as an opportunity to assess and strengthen
a significant portion of our work.
I have always found that as I am hunting down the repeated words
or static descriptions, I find other things to work on. By the time I’ve been
through the manuscript the three or four times needed to check all these
things, I’ve not just fixed these issues, but areas where the plot is weak, or
characters are acting strangely.
Working on these ‘mistakes’ is a gold mine for revision and
will make our writing much more powerful.